How to handle bullying at school?


Bullying can start as early as elementary school, is especially common in middle school, and sometimes continues into high school, shattering the self-confidence of thousands of children and teens every year. While it often makes headlines—sadly sparked by tragic events—bullying in schools is still not detected enough by educators, and sometimes even by parents. Recent events have shown that much more needs to be done to improve the detection, management, and prevention of bullying situations.

Understanding school bullying

School bullying refers to repeated acts of violence or aggression directed at a student by one or more peers, whether coordinated or not. This violence can be verbal, physical, or psychological. Often, it is based—sometimes unconsciously—on the rejection of differences and the stigmatization of the victim’s characteristics or personality: physical appearance, gender, perceived sexual orientation, disability, uniqueness, unusual interests, vulnerability, or belonging to a specific social or cultural group, among others. However, there is no specific profile that predisposes someone to bullying. Bullies tend to target vulnerabilities they perceive in their victims. The perpetrators establish a power dynamic and engage in repeated attacks, which either isolate the victim or reinforce their isolation.

A bullying situation is defined by three main criteria:

  • Violence : a power and dominance dynamic between one or more students and a victim.
  • Repetitiveness : the aggression is ongoing and lasts over time.
  • Isolation : the victim is unable to defend themselves.

The violence can take many forms: intimidation and threats, mockery, humiliation, exclusion, physical aggression, coercion into dangerous games, blackmail, insults. Nowadays, bullying often continues on social media in the form of cyberbullying.

For the victim, the consequences of school bullying are numerous and severe: social withdrawal, anxiety, depression, loss of self-esteem, academic disengagement, self-destructive or suicidal thoughts, and sometimes even suicide attempts. In the long term, school bullying also impacts the psychological and social development of the individual, with consequences that can carry into adulthood.

How can you tell if your child is being bullied ?

Bullying is particularly difficult to detect because it thrives on fear and the gradual destruction of self-esteem. Many parents feel guilty for not realizing what their child was going through earlier. However, bullied students often withdraw into themselves and rarely confide spontaneously. When they do, they tend to downplay the severity of their bullying, partly to protect their loved ones.

External signs to look out for

Bullying can happen as early as preschool, but it becomes more common in the later years of primary school and in middle school. Since children don’t always have the words to explain what’s happening, it’s important to watch for physical signs that may indicate bullying : damaged school supplies, torn clothes, or even physical injuries. These signs are sometimes dismissed as carelessness, clumsiness, or rough play when they’re actually the result of repeated harassment from other kids. Taken together, these external signs can point to deeper issues of distress or anxiety.

Recognizing emotional distress in your child

Being bullied at school can lead to noticeable changes in your child’s behavior at home. They may become more irritable, angry, or withdrawn. When this happens with a teenager, it’s easy to assume it’s just part of adolescence, but it could be something more.

It’s also important to be aware of signs of anxiety about going back to school. This might show up as frequent headaches or stomachaches, especially in the mornings, on Sunday nights, or towards the end of school breaks. Younger children who refuse to go to school or show a sudden drop in grades could also be experiencing bullying.

In any case, keep in mind that children who are being bullied often try to hide what’s happening for a variety of reasons: fear of upsetting their parents, worry about how they might react, feelings of guilt, denial, or even the belief that they are the problem.

How to respond to school bullying ?

At school

It is crucial for bullied children and teenagers to have the opportunity to talk to a trusted adult. This requires greater awareness of school bullying within the schools themselves. For example, Galilée School brings in a specialist to discuss these issues. Talking to students about bullying helps address the issue from multiple perspectives:

  • Raising awareness about the consequences of bullying on victims so that students understand its impact.
  • Educating students on the mechanisms of bullying with a focus on prevention.
  • Advising witnesses on the proper responses to bullying.
  • Providing resources to bullied children, such as staff members they can approach and the free helplines available (30 20 for school bullying and 30 18 for cyberbullying).

For parents

Re-establishing or maintaining open communication with your child is crucial, and they must feel completely safe in confiding in you. They need to know that you will not act without their consent. One of the reasons victims of bullying remain silent is their fear of their parents’ reaction. In some cases, parents who intervene with the bullies may inadvertently worsen the situation in the eyes of the bullied child, who might see it as an additional humiliation.

Depending on the severity of the bullying, it may be possible to work with your child to find solutions to defend themselves and disarm the bullies. If that is not enough, further steps should be discussed with them: alerting school management, seeking help from an association, filing a complaint, or even changing schools. Psychological support can help the bullied child better cope with this ordeal.

The tragic consequences of school bullying too often make headlines. Bullying has become a societal issue, exacerbated in part by a deteriorating school climate. In most schools, staff awareness of bullying is still in its infancy. To end bullying, it is crucial to bring it to light and consistently condemn its mechanisms. All actions aimed at promoting empathy, tolerance, and kindness in schools are welcome. The goal is to empower students to become active participants in the fight against bullying. Share articles and resources on school bullying with those around you!